Should I Get a Divorce or Stay for the Kids?

In a marital relationship both parties are expected to make unified decisions to ensure the survival of the union. For a marriage to be satisfying and beneficial to each party, survival, safety, love, esteem and actualization, must be present. Once these needs are no longer being met, the question arises as to whether or not a divorce should be considered.

Time and situations alter people’s behavior over a period of time. Sometimes, within marriages, conflict and hurt can cause much irrevocable damage. This causes severe breakdowns and may lead to verbal or physical abuse and can even contribute significantly to a relationship where the love is dying or has already died. It can reach a point where there is no communication or even interest in the relationship by either one or both spouses. Once there is no means of conflict resolution and couples avoid conversations or simply refuse to engage in sexual contact, oftentimes this leads to high levels of disconnect.

As couples go through the very thought of a divorce, one or both parties may be crippled by fear as one has to admit that marriage and divorce are seen as two major life changes. There is fear as it relates to assets, children, where you will live, whether you will end up being alone and just the very thought of survival on your own. When children are involved in the marital relationship, careful consideration has to be taken because whatever actions are taken and how they are done can have both positive and negative implications. If serious considerations are being made about getting a divorce, for the sake of the children, adequate support systems have to be put in place. Professional help may be required through the assistance of  a mediator, psychologist or counselor, but measures have to be put in place so that children are not scarred for life. Whenever a child hears about divorce, their world is shattered by the very thought of parents separating. Sometimes they end up blaming themselves. There are so many issues that could arise including changes in overall behavior, emotional and physical health problems, and decline in academic performance.

If on the other hand, however, you decide to stay in the relationship for the sake of the children, they should be brought up in a home where love is evident. Anthony Robbins, a behaviorist, developed a theory where he highlighted that humans have six basic needs: certainty, variety, significance, love and connection, and growth and contribution. He emphasized that these needs form the basis of our decision-making mechanisms. To make the decision to stay within a marriage for the sake of children, is dependent on many factors, for example: the ability to provide a safe home; to ensure that financial opportunity is accessible; and the ability to provide a comfortable lifestyle and stability, rather than displacing them in a situation where they are uncomfortable.

When relationships that we have invested our time and energy into have reached a breaking point, where we may feel overburdened and devastated by our emotional hurt, oftentimes we think of divorce. Divorce is not just a word from the dictionary to play with; it has serious implications as it changes your life as well all others involved. If you decide to stay in a relationship, especially for the sake of the children, ensure that the home is safe and conducive to their needs.