Divorce Him or Refuel Your Marriage?

If you’re planning to divorce your husband, you may have good grounds, such as infidelity or violence. But if you’re simply bored with your husband, think twice, especially if he is reluctant to be parted from you and – even more importantly – if you have children with him. Try rebooting your marriage before giving up on it. You may need to re-evaluate it from a fresh perspective, too. These tips and pointers will get you started.

Compare your man with others

Next time you and your husband are socializing, look around at the other men in the gathering, to see how they compare with yours. One may be less attractive, another less bright, and a third too self-centered for your liking. If you divorce your man, you will probably want a replacement, and that may prove harder to find than you think. Consider what your friends say about their husbands: they probably have different marital problems that you’re thankful not to suffer. You may be luckier than you realize, so take fresh pride in your husband and your marriage.

Look at the good in your husband

You may have become so aware of your husband’s failings that you’ve forgotten his qualities. Take a fresh look at him and what he has to offer, taking circumstances into account. Is he kind and well-intended? If so, you have much to be thankful for. Can he be fun, calming or encouraging, or spiritually supportive in any way? If so, you may miss those qualities if you leave him. Does he contribute well, financially, or domestically? Again, if the answer is “yes”, you’re fortunate indeed. Has your marriage simply lost the spark of shared joy? If so, there are ways to get it back.

Rekindle the spark

A long-term relationship can become stale with time, and the stresses and strains of life can impact on it, too, but with a few shrewd tactics, you can set it sparkling again. Tell your husband you want more time with him in the day, and more outings and holidays together.  If you have children, see if the grandparents will look after them for a week so you can spend some quality time together. Switch off the TV now and again, and also your phones and computers, and sit down together with some relaxing music or take a quiet stroll together. You’ll soon start sharing thoughts, memories, and jokes that bring you closer. Take on a new hobby or sport together to replenish your shared experiences. The more you can share, the stronger your relationship will grow.

Confess to your feelings

Rather than criticizing your husband, show your appreciation, whenever possible. He’ll be touched by your affectionate warmth and more willing to listen to your concerns. Pick a good time, when things are going better than sometimes between you, to explain your negative feelings about the marriage. Put your points gently and tactfully, and listen with an open mind to his responses. Focus on strengthening your relationship, rather than abandoning it; seek solutions rather than trying to score points. This strategy may take time and effort, but sooner or later you’ll feel the warmth of that rekindled flame.

Take his criticisms on board

If your dissatisfaction is mutual, take your husband’s complaints seriously, considering them from his viewpoint as well as your own. By making an effort to adapt, you will encourage him to do the same, and your duel commitment will mark a big step forward. With your mutual respect restored, you’ll find the lines of communication opening up, too, enabling you to resolve issues as they arise. As trust builds, love will follow.

There are all sorts of good reasons to save your marriage, so start working on it now. Remember your honeymoon? You may find yourselves revisiting it soon, with a fresh perspective.